she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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