Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
