My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
