I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
