I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
