Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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