i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
