McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
