i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
