There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
