I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
