Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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