I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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