Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Two words: nipple clamps
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