Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
