That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
