We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
