i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
