So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
