I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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