I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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