I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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