Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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