I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
