..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
