I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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