she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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