So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
