Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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