its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
