if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
