that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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