Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
