I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
