whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
