Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
