i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
