she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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