nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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