dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
