please come you make the beer taste better
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
