so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
