I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
