i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
