Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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