i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
His nipple licking is glorious
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