i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
