Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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