farters have to be the big spoon...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
