I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
