I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
